Sunday, December 7, 2008

Welcome To My World

Perhaps I've mentioned that kids can be so cruel. I mention it to my students about 20 times per day. They are, after all...so cruel. Usually, this cruelty is turned on their peers. Thursday, I felt the twist of a cruel tongue on my hair.

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is...how you say...not overly concerned with her hairstyle. She washes and combs her lovely lady-mullet every day, and that's about as far as it goes. Last week, there was a spate of high winds, including said winds on Wednesday, duty day to Mrs. HM, and those winds wreaked havoc with the lovely lady-mullet. Picture, if you will, a brunette version of a Tastee Freeze twist cone, and besides having nightmares to last you for weeks, you will have a mental image of what Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's hair looked like out-of-doors.






It should come as no surprise to you that upon rising at 5:00 a.m. Thursday, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom shambled to the bathroom, took the scissors from the drawer, and hacked off half of her bangs. There. No more bothersome hair falling down in her hazel eyes. Problem solved.

My students filed in 2nd hour. The bell rang. I kicked the wooden doorstop into the classroom for safekeeping, and before the door even had a chance to hit me in the a$, Little Miss Priss asked, "Did you get a haircut?"

At 5:00 this morning, I cut part of my hair. So I guess the answer would be 'Yes'.
Did you have a mirror?
Oh! Kids can be so cruel.
Well, one part is a lot shorter than the other.
I thought it looked good. I came to school in a really good mood, thinking about my pretty new haircut, and now this.
Really? You thought it looked good?
Until now.
You know, you can use a round brush to curl it under.
I do that every morning when I comb it.
You can use a blow-dryer.
Thanks for that advice.
I'm only trying to help.
You've really damaged my self-esteem.
You can grow out your bangs, and comb it over like this, and pin it back.
I cut them because I did not want them to grow out.
Well, you can tell. One side is shorter.

Things kind of went downhill after that, what with my lingering illness that lies untouched by that impostor cough medicine I was given by a foreign doctor in place of my sweet, sweet Histinex. Not that I take that stuff at school. Laws NO! M-O-O-N. That spells, It is probably illegal to teach students while under the influence of a controlled substance. No, what I mean is that the medicine does not help my cough except for the couple of hours that it makes me fall asleep in the recliner. All day at school, I cough and blow thick snot out of my snoot. Doesn't that make you wish you could send your child to my class for an education? So I had a snootful, and took a Puffs-with-Aloe to blow my nose, and another cruella devil said, "EWW! That's nasty!" OK. So I had to retort, "What did you want me to do, let it run down my lip and into my mouth?" She decided that she did not.

On Friday, Miss Priss once again inquired about my hair. "Did you go get it fixed?"

Does it look like I went somewhere to get it fixed?
No. But I thought I would ask.
I got so much attention yesterday, I got up today and cut the short part shorter.
Really?
No. I'm not an idiot.
Oh.
So it still looks the same?
Pretty much.
I don't know what you expect. I told you I cut it at 5:00 a.m.
Did you turn the lights on?
As a matter of fact, I did.
Oh.
You guys are so cruel. Look, I had to wear long sleeves because you made me feel so bad that I went home and cut myself.
You cut yourself?
No! That was a poor attempt at a joke. Look. I'm fine. (I rolled up my sleeves.)
At least I didn't say anything when you blew your nose.

Yeah. The second wrong makes you right, I suppose. And just so you know, the coiffure critic had long, stringy bangs that she combs to one side and secures behind her ear. She's not the only one. It's quite the style.

I prefer my unfashionable lady-mullet with uneven bangs. Except on windy days.

3 comments:

Cazzie!!! said...

Marge Simpson hair would make me take scissors to mine also! I do not blame you for that. For the kids to ask you rhetorical questions in class...that too would do my head in! Too bad you cannot poke your tongue out and run from class, haha.

Julia said...

ya know, i looked up sweet, sweet histinex at webmd.com and the article said that one of the ingredients can cause brain bleeding and/or stroke in women! perhaps that is why they will no longer prescribe SSH for you?

can't be having HM stroking out on us, can we??

Hillbilly Mom said...

Cazzie,
Too bad I can't poke their eyes out so they can't see my new haircut. I'm pretty sure that's against the law here in Missouri.


Julia,
I doubt that a doctor I've never met actually had my well-being in mind when calling in that prescription. They were very busy that day.

I've also read that non-steroidal anti-inflammatory OTC drugs can interfere with blood pressure meds, but my dear sweet ex-Army doc has never told me not to take them.

Thank you for looking that up. I do appreciate it. But it will take more than that to make me turn against my sweet, sweet Histinex! ;)