Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Hillbillies On The Town

We never go out for New Year's Eve. But tonight we are going out. Where, you might ask, could Hillbilly Mom and family possibly go to ring in the New Year? To a First Night celebration? To a happenin' nightclub? To a rinky dink tavern? To a casino? To the new bowling alley five miles from our Mansion? Wrong. Wrong on all counts. We are going to visit the home of the #1 son's girlfriend. Never would have guessed THAT in a million years, would you?

I'm not real keen on the idea. I'm a homebody. But the girl's mother called and invited us, and, not wanting to be rude, I agreed. Now we find out that the girlfriend's family has conveniently gotten rid of her younger brother and sister for the evening. I asked #1 if The Pony was invited. "Yes, unfortunately. She LIKES him. I don't know what's wrong with her."

According to #1 and his iPhone, the festivities include spaghetti and garlic bread, board games, pool, Wii, PlayStation, fireworks, and who knows what else. We are taking some Chex Mix and some sparkling grape juice. HH says he is stashing a bottle in the car. You can take HH out of the Hillbilly Mansion, but you can't take the Hillbilly out of HH. He's probably got a still over at the BARn, and is stashing a jar of white lightning in the car. Hopefully, T-Hoe won't burst into flames.

So we will be going to visit a home that we've never been in. The #1 son said, "Do we even know how to get there?" Duh. "YOU'VE been there a couple of times. Your dad took you. So I think we know how to get there." He was not convinced. "You know how Dad is! He probably doesn't remember." Not so fast. "Well, your father has a Garmin, so I think we can manage." He hadn't planned on that. "I thought we were taking YOUR car." Like that has anything to do with finding the place. "Um...he can take the Garmin out of his van and put it in my car. And if that doesn't work, I'm sure you can text her or call her while we're driving around lost, and she can lead us there."

I think he might be getting cold feet.


DeadpanAnn said...

Cold feet? About having his parents over at his girlfriend's house? NAwwwwww!

How'd it go?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Miss Ann,
We had a good time playing games. The parents kept going to the basement to smoke. HH did not take his bottle. At midnight we heard the typical hillbilly gunshots. The parents said that their back-yard neighbors make meth every night at 2:30 a.m., and that their kid went to school and told his teacher. They are trying to discourage his honesty, what with not wanting to die. They also said that the meth business must pay really well, because those neighbors were using brand-new two-by-fours to start their meth-cooking fire.

HH asked #1 if he got a hug while the kids were in the living room playing Guitar Hero. #1 replied testily, "Not with YOU there."