Thursday, December 4, 2008

HM Is Sorely Disappointed

I did not get the sweet, sweet Histinex that I was jonesin' for on Tuesday. I got Cheratussin. Which does not hold a candle to my sweet, sweet Histinex. It is a vile impostor. Cheratussin contains CODEINE, people. I am not a fan of the codeine. It makes me woozy and lightheaded and slightly nauseous...and then knocks me out for a couple of hours. That is no way to treat a cough! I need my sweet, sweet Histinex, which makes my typing unpredictable for some odd reason, but never casts me into a deep sleep, and stops my cough, dries up my watery eyes and postnasal drip, and gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling. At least for about two hours. The cough and eye issues are subdued for about 3 1/2 hours. You can't beat that with a stick.

I long for my sweet, sweet Histinex. I yearn for it. I pine for it.

How dare that foreign doctor whose name is on my Cheratussin prescribe me what she THINKS I need? I wish I could beat HER with a stick! I want my old man ex-Army doc, who listens to reason and hooked me up with my sweet, sweet Histinex in the first place. Alas, my appointment that WAS scheduled for next Tuesday has been changed to a week from then on a Monday. I figure by that time, I'll either be dead or cured of this wet, wheezy cough. I am tired of whistling out of my lungs when I try to sleep. It is louder than HH's breather.

And another thing about that demon Cheratussin: it tastes nasty. It is not at all sweet. It is bitter, with an aftertaste. AND it is a pale, pale clear pink color that makes me think that the pharmacist did not put enough flavoring in it, and I am getting none of the Chera but only the tussin. Because in my mind, Chera should stand for Cherry, and this stuff does not taste very Cherry to me.

And yet another thing: after 4 hours, my mouth was dry as a bone. Dry as dog food in a baggie. My sweet, sweet Histinex would never parch me.

Have I mentioned that I WANT MY SWEET, SWEET HISTINEX!

2 comments:

DeadpanAnn said...

Next time you get a vile impostor, have the pharmacist put some of that flavoring in it. I think it's for kids' medicines, but if you look pathetic enough they'll probably do it.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Miss Ann,
Let's not forget that I'm pathetic enough that they give me appointments with the KIDS' dentist in the practice, and that they hook me up to the nitrous with the clown head on it.

You are my pharmacy insider. I want to know what flavoring is in my sweet, sweet Histinex. It tastes like a 55-gallon drum of suger condensed into that one little bottle.

I think the Cheratussin can't be helped by any flavoring. I think it's the codeine that leaves the nasty aftertaste. Or the tussin part. When I was pregnant with The Pony, I had to take Robitussin, and it had the same vile taste.