Saturday, December 13, 2008

Some Saturday Observations

Some Saturday observations from Mrs. Hillbilly Mom:

If men washed dishes, every house on the planet, even cardboard shacks, would have automatic dishwashers. Either that, or we would all be eating off dirty plates. Not dirty because the men refuse to wash them--dirty because men do a half-a$$ed job of washing them.

When you are up to your elbows in soapy dishwater, and ask The Pony if the toilet in the boys' bathroom needs cleaning, and he says, "I don't know, I can't see it from here," and you send him in to look at it, and he still says he doesn't know, and you go to look for yourself, he will meet you at the bathroom door and say, "I think it does...and I think it might be clogged."

Ten-year-old boys do not like to wipe around the bottom of the toilet to clean their own pee.

The line you choose at The Devil's Playground will be the one with the OCD checker, and you will debate changing to a longer but faster-moving line, but your common sense will talk you out of it, and after 20 minutes in line behind two customers, you will get your chance to check out, and that OCD checker will try NINE times to weigh your bananas that you carefully picked out for their size and greenness, saying over and over, "It says my scale is moving," until you tell her twice that you don't want the bananas if it's going to take so freakin' long, and you see that there are now six people lined up behind you, and that idiot tells some other checker who wanders by about her moving scale, and the normal one tells her the problem, and that OCD freak sets your bananas aside THEN, so you will have to go buy bananas at Save-A-Lot tomorrow.

That new impostor cough medicine will give you a headache and make you sleepy and do next to nothing to help your cough.

If you go to your son's basketball tournament that is far away, and his team is losing the championship game by 12 points at half-time, having only scored ONE basket the first half, the coach will play the starters and sub in the 6th and 7th men due to foul trouble, until there is one minute left and you are down by 18, and then put in your son and the son of the teacher who is sitting beside you in the bleachers, thus upsetting the parents of the other subs, even though your son is the self-proclaimed 8th man.

While waiting for your son after that basketball tournament, an old friend whom your husband wrongly suspects is an old flame will come over to talk to you and your teacher friend, and your husband will silently fume about it, even though he does not recognize the old alleged flame, and when the guy leaves and your teacher friend starts to talk about knowing him, your husband will say, "I never liked the guy," and your teacher friend will say, "He's still working undercover for the State Patrol," and you will say, "Way to go, why don't you broadcast it and put his life in more danger." Not that anybody in that meth ring or that casino scam would want to hurt a law enforcement officer.

Rumor has it that we are going to have a big ice storm Sunday night into Monday. Rumor had it last week that we were going to have shovelable snow. It didn't happen. I'm not getting my hopes up, or going out to buy a new generator.

1 comment:

DeadpanAnn said...

First, I would just like to say a big AMEN to your entire first paragraph.

Ten-year-old boys do not like to wipe around the bottom of the toilet to clean their own pee.
Neither does a grown man. When my husband gets up to pee at night, he doesn't even turn on the light. I think he just starts peeing and keeps walking until he hears water.