Saturday, May 9, 2009

The JuggerNot

Perhaps Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has mentioned that she does not allow beverages in her classroom. The offenders must throw such contraband away if caught, and are threatened with a discipline slip for any subsequent infractions.

Imagine my surprise on Thursday, when I looked into my classroom from my sentry duty in the hall, and spied the mother of all beverage containers. It was a gallon jug of water. I stepped through the door and asked, "What's up with that?" Not in so many words, maybe, but I asked the kid why he had a gallon jug of water in my classroom. I was sure there was a good explanation. He wasn't even trying to conceal it. This kid has never given me any trouble. Well, unless you count that time last month when he jumped on a car's hood in the parking lot after school, while it was driving by, and I had to report him to the Principal. To which he responded the next day, "You turned me in for riding on that car hood!" Indeed. I pointed out that I had TALKED to the Principal about him. I didn't write up a discipline referral. You see, my number one duty is to make sure that all students in our school are safe. When I bellowed at him, "GET OFF THAT CAR!"...he did. Thus, no write-up, no ISS.

Getting back to The JuggerNot... His reason for the gallon jug of water in my classroom? "I've been carrying it around all day. I'm on the Water Diet." I thought he was joking. He is not in need of a diet. He has a baby-face with chubby cheeks, but the rest of him is average size. He's not manorexic. He wears baggy clothes, and fancies himself to be the Great White Rapper. "Oh. The Water Diet. Well, don't bring that in here again. Leave it in your locker." He agreed. Midway through class, I caught him swigging from the jug, holding it over his wrist like it was a ceramic jug of XXX moonshine. "Stop that. No beverages." He agreed. I continued, "You know, you can die from too much water." (As that kid said yesterday, "Way to go. Scare us, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom!"). The JuggerNot said, "I know. It's called water intoxication." Too bad that wasn't included on the End Of Course test. "That's right. Your cells get too much water in them, and they burst. Osmosis. Higher concentration to lower concentration, remember?"

I saw him carrying his jug down the hall later in the day. I decided that if I saw him with it on Friday, I would tell the nurse. She might want to call him in and see what's going on.

He did not bring it on Friday. I still don't know what to believe.

No comments: