Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Accidental Stabber

On Monday, a student announced to his cronies that he was grounded. This was not just a random student. It was The Swastikator. He is the main suspect in the calculator-defacing scandal. It happened to two of my calculators, the two used by The Swastikator. He was never quick enough to ask for the good ones. But that was no reason to draw a swastika on both of my lesser calculators. Oh, it was in pencil, and it rubbed off, but I do not take kindly to loaning things purchased with my hard-earned dough, and having them defaced.

According to his cronies, the same thing happened to calculators in MathCrony's room, except that the swastikas were scratched into the number window area, not written in pencil. It just so happens that The Swastikator likes me better than he likes MathCrony. In fact, he's the one who declared that kids should earn at least 50% of their grade because they have to listen to her voice. I was happy to share that information with her. MathCrony said, "I don't know how my voice can irritate him when he sleeps through every class.

Besides, that kid is a horrendous liar. Not 'horrendous' in that he lies all the time. Horrendous in that he can not lie believably. Every time I say, "I know you did it. I know you are the one who drew swastikas on my calculators," he says, "It wasn't me." He tries to look solemn, but his face starts to smile. First, around the eyes, then around the corner of his mouth. He tries to stop it, but he can't. He's The Swastikator. No doubt about it. Never once did he complain that I need to stop accusing him. Never once did he offer another suspect. Never once did he explain how it was only on the calculators that he used. That's him. The Swastikator.

Anyhoo... The Swastikator said that he was grounded because he accidentally stabbed a knife into the wall. Seems that he cut his hand with a knife, which was obviously the knife's fault, so he threw it at the wall in a fit of rage. His hand was bleeding, which made him even madder, so he kicked the knife, which stabbed it even further into the wall. "And when my dad got home and found out, he grounded me. For a really long time."

People don't cut people. Knives cut people. They can't be trusted. Quick. Chuck the knives into a wall where they can't escape and cut you. QUICK! Before you get grounded because of an evil knife.

It's a wonder I have survived these many years in the public schools of Missouri.

3 comments:

Cazzie!!! said...

The Swaztikater is just a moron, he needs his balls kicked so hard that they become man boobs... I am betting there will be a few people in line for that job when he gets older!!

DeadpanAnn said...

Not that I want to defend Swastikator, but I did fling a knife the other day by accident. I was slicing some vegetables when I accidentally sliced my finger pretty good. It hurt bad, and I started shaking both my hands violently like I could shake off the pain or something. I don't know--it was just a reflex. Anyway I didn't even notice that I had flung the knife at the time, but once I got my finger rinsed off and bandaged, I returned to the kitchen to find the knife in the floor about 10 feet from where I was standing when I cut myself.

BUT I doubt it could've accidentally stabbed the WALL.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Cazzie,
There are already a plethora of people in line for that! I have been ever-vigilant to prevent it from happening. Because that's my job.


Miss Ann,
Next thing, you'll let it slip that you accidentally carved swastikas into calculators.