Friday, December 18, 2009

Snippy Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

If only the #1 son had time to blog, I would let him guest tonight and give his account of our evening at Grandma's house on Tuesday. It would be like one of those sitcoms where they show you each person's point of view.

#1 did not find Grandma overly accommodating. That's because she favors him, and on Tuesday, she treated him equally. #1 did not like giving up the long couch. He told Grandma that she didn't have to be so snippy with him. Which she wasn't. She was merely giving him the same treatment as the rest of us. She fixed him some chicken quesadillas, which were not the kind he prefers, the frozen TGI Fridays brand, but an Aldi's brand, which would have been fine, except these were rolled instead of folded over. He told her they were still cold in the middle, so she had to reheat them. She really catered to him, but he had the nerve to call her 'snippy.' She laughed it off.

I would have had more reason to call her snippy. She fetched #1 a mini Kit-Kat for dessert. I said I would have one, also. But mine was some kind of freakish Kit-Kat mutation, which was solid chocolate, no cookie crunch layers. #1 said he would take it. Did my mom offer me a replacement? Why, yes she did. She said she had a Hershey bar. Did she bring me the Hershey bar? Yes, she did. As she laid it down, she said, "You can have three squares of this." Which was kind of an insult to me. "What do you mean, I can have three squares? Is there a shortage of Hershey bars? Are you saying I don't need a whole one? Are you rationing chocolate? And why are three of the squares already broken off?"

She explained. "You can have the whole thing if you want it. I just thought that you might not want it all, because you had a mini Kit-Kat. It's broken because these are the Hersheys that I carry in my purse to church." No doubt rationing three squares apiece to those worthy of her Hersheyness.

And she acted a bit put-out when I asked her for the third time to cover my right foot, which would not stay under that scratchy old horse blanket she covered me with. It would not have kept coming out if she hadn't done such a faulty covering job. I can't help it that she tried to give me leg cramps by tucking that sucker in too tight over my toes. I had to shake it loose. And when she propped those pillows under my head for the third time, I laid still, because she had that look in her eye like Jerry Seinfeld when he was fluffing George's pillow in the hospital that time, after George had his not-heart-attack, and Jerry fake-smothered George with his own hospital pillow, before removing it from George's face when Elaine walked in, causing Jerry to fake-exclaim, "Elaine! What are YOU doing here?"

But I would not call Grandma snippy.

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