Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Better Grab A Hanky

My classes have worked hard all year to get to this point. The fun stuff. Today was the Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's Classroom premiere of Dante's Peak. It's about a volcano, you know. The opening credits begin with tephra flying all over the place.

This is not a new movie. It has been kickin' around for awhile. They used to run it on the USA channel a couple of times per week. It's so old it's new to these kids. Except the ones who have seen it and say it's a really good movie.

Because some of you might be simply achin' to see this made-for-TV flick, I will not divulge any plot points. But I must relate an incident from my 1st Hour class that gave me a silent, secret chuckle.

There is a scene where Pierce Brosnan goes to the home of movie town mayor Linda Hamilton for eggplant parmesan. While Mayor Linda is imbibing some wine in the background, doing kitcheny type things before or after dinner, Geologist Pierce entertains her two moppets at the kitchen table. First is some kind of weak guess-which-hand-holds-the-domino game where the winner gets to topple a lame row of about 30 dominos. Then Geologist Pierce dips into his bag of heavy-duty party tricks with the invisible needle gag. It goes a little something like this:

Geologist Pierce takes a plain white hanky out of his pocket and says that it is empty of boogers and whatnot, but what have we here but a tiny needle. He mock-plucks a strand of hair from the girl moppet's mane, puts on his glasses, threads the invisible needle with the invisible hair, hands the invisible needle to the boy moppet to hold while he fake-blows his nose on the white hanky, then takes back the invisible needle and faux sews the end of the hanky. He pokes the nonexistent needle through the corner of the hanky, grasps it on the other side, pulls it through, and VOILA! The corner of the hanky bends down with the invisible pulled needle. The girl moppet exclaims, "Wow, it really works. It's MAGIC!"

And a kid in my class said to the screen, "It's not magic, you idiot! Didn't you see? He had a little needle!"

To steal a line from Stephen King in The Body, about Vern burying a jar of pennies under the porch when he was 8, and trying to find them for four years, after his mom threw away his treasure map:

You don't know whether to laugh or cry.


DeadpanAnn said...

Just cry, HM. Just go ahead and cry.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

What was it that Art Linkletter used to say...Kids say the darndest things!

OMG, am I old or what!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Miss Ann,
I know. These are the people who are going to be trimming my toenails and wiping my butt when I'm in a nursing home.

I remember seeing Art or clips of him when I was a child, myself. No doubt saying the darnedest things.

In third grade, my teacher was trying to elicit the answer 'Millard Fillmore' out of me. She kept harping, "Millard... Millard..." until I finally shouted, "High life! Millard High Life!" I have no idea why. My family did not drink beer. I suppose I saw one too many Miller commercials on TV.

Stewed Hamm said...

Maybe ScreenShouter has the Hi-Def version at home, and is just sharing the wealth with all of you folks. Yeah... that's the ticket!

Hillbilly Mom said...

When I asked the #1 son if he heard that child bleating about the tiny needle, he dashed my hopes of him being the next Bill Gates.

"Yeah, what was with that trick? He just used a needle. What's so great about that?"

Furthermore, the boy SWORE that Pierce used a needle. "He had it in the handkerchief! The kids even held it for him."

That boy has too much of Paternal Unit H in him!