Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Laughter, The Worst Medicine

Reader's Digest got it wrong. Laughter is not the best medicine. I would nominate morphine as the best medicine, with an honorable mention to vicodin and sweet, sweet Histinex. But we're not here to envy Mabel for her post-surgery pain meds. We're here to share some jokes told by students. On with the show!

Two snakes were slithering along, and one asked the other, "Hey, are we poisonous?" The second snake said, "I don't know. Why do you ask?" The first snake said, "Well, I just bit my lip, and I want to know if I'm going to die."

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trapped on top of a burning building. They found a magic lamp in a pile of junk on the roof. A genie popped out and said he would grant them each one wish to save them. All they had to do was say what they wished for as they jumped off the building. The brunette ran and jumped over the edge, shouting "Feathers!" She landed on a pile of feathers and was safe. The redhead ran and jumped over the edge, yelling "Marshmallows!" She landed on a pile of marshmallows, and was safe. The blond ran toward the edge, but tripped over the genie lamp. "CRAP!" she muttered.

What did the red grape say to the purple grape? "BREATHE!"

Jim the pirate had two peglegs. Pete the pirate had a pegleg, a hook-arm, and an eyepatch. When they first met, Pete said to Jim, "How did you get the two peglegs?" Jim answered, "Cannon accident." Jim then asked Pete, "How did you get the pegleg, the hook-arm, and the eyepatch?" Pete said, "The pegleg was from a cannonball. The hook-arm was because I got my arm shot off. The eyepatch? First day with the hook-arm."


I'm not exactly going to use them to start up a stand-up act. They came from KIDS! But I did like that grape joke.


DeadpanAnn said...

I think it was the Morphine that made me itch for about 24 hours after my surgery. I guess itching is better than the agonizing pain I probably would have had without it, but it would've been nice not to have clawed my face up in my not-really-sleep.

The grape joke was my favorite too!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Miss Ann,
You might be highly allergic. Perhaps you should not partake of Morpheus's sweet slumber tonic again.

Don't be a purple grape because morphine makes your throat close up.

Hillbilly Mom. Ending the world with prepositions, one sentence at a time.

Marshamarshamarsha said...

Liked the grape one, but the blonde one really got me. Thanks for the giggles!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Everybody he tells it to likes the grape one. He had another:

What did the red grape say to the green grape?

"You're not looking so good. Are you going to throw up?"

I think he makes some of them up.