Wednesday, January 28, 2009

BrokeNeck Poutin'

I broke my neck yesterday. Today, I seem to have made a miraculous recovery.

It all started when I got up to gloat over my snow day. I sat down in the La-Z-Boy to watch Morning Joe and switch to the local weather every five minutes. That way, I could wave bye bye to HH as he left for work in the sleety mess.

The Pony got up at 6:05, ten minutes earlier that he gets up on a school day, and wallowed around on the short couch. Around 7:00, I took a little nap in the recliner. When I woke at 8:00, I stretched. Wouldn't you, after sleeping for an hour in a La-Z-Boy?

That's when I heard the POP and felt the sharp pain in the back right side of my neck, just where it turns into shoulder. The name of that muscle escapes me now, but I know it wasn't the sternocleidomastoid. That's in the front. Did you know it's the only muscle that lets the movement go in the opposite direction when it contracts? Because normally, when a muscle contracts, it shortens, and pulls the two insertion areas closer together. But the sternocleidomastoid contracts on the left to let you turn your head to the right. Try it! Put your hand across the front of your neck, and turn your head. See? Told you so! Amazing what you retain from an Anatomy & Physiology class OH SO LONG ago, huh? Anyhoo, that sharp pain stayed with me all day. It was tender to the touch. It hurt when I moved. It hurt when I sat still.

Round about 9:00 p.m., I decided to stuff my hair up under a cap and slather that aching expanse of shoulderneck with some BenGay. I wanted to use Thera-Gesic, but that's kind of atomic, so I figured I could always work my way up to more heat, but could not squelch the flames if I started with the Habanero of skin balms.

It worked! Sure, it was only hot for about 15 minutes, but the relief from the pain lasted about an hour. Even after that, it wasn't quite so stiff. This morning, I tried the Thera-Gesic. Whee doggies, that stuff is sizzlin'! But it has kept the pain bearable all day. Yay, me! The Emperor of Hillmomba has healed herself. Don't even start with that 'Empress' crap. You know how I feel about that!

I googled the dorsal neck musculature, and found out that my pain originated in the trapezius. Who knew it went all the way up your neck? I though that was just the back-shoulder muscle. So much for killing those brain cells in college.

The boys will be glad that I'm on the mend. The Pony was puzzled as to why I made him turn all the jeans inside out. Actually, they were already inside out, and he had to turn them inside out again to make them normal. I wash their jeans inside out so the color does not fade as much from rubbing together in the washer and dryer. I usually turn them back when I take them out of the dryer, but my trapezius was throbbing to beat the band, so I decreed that The Pony would do it. He would not have sense to do this without being told, as evidenced Monday morning when he got dressed, and put on a pair of jeans with the white pockets flapping on his thighs, unable to zip them up. I had to tell him how to fix them. The #1 son had a good laugh, though he probably would have done the same. His job yesterday was to take the new load of jeans out of the deep, deep washer and put them in the dryer. AND turn it on. He usually neglects that last part.

We are looking at Day Off #8 on Thursday. Don't hate me because I can loll around in the La-Z-Boy. Hate me because I know my sternocleidomastoid.


Jennifer said...

You just keep enjoying the Lazy-Boy classroom.

I sort of feel guilty for everyone back that way while I am out here in Sunny Sourn California.

But it's all work and no play.

Chickadee said...

I totally thought you were making that muscle up. Heehee

You probably need that snow day tomorrow to give your neck another day to heal. And don't be going outside tomorrow to only slip and fall on the sidewalk.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I'm sure you're thinking of all of us while you soak up the sun. Too bad you don't have a La-Z-Boy.

It's a real muscle, but I think they shorten the name these days. I am definitely staying inside until Friday. My casino aunt is still laid up from the LAST ice storm, the one where she broke her shoulder and hip. I let that be a lesson for me.