Tuesday, July 15, 2008

HM Starts A Band

With the days of summer waning quickly, I have decided to do something constructive and start my own garage band. It ain't easy when your garage is full of 4-wheeler, Scout, and LSUV. But Hillbilly Mom has never shied away from a challenge. The members of my band are Me, Myself, and I. Can't beat that winning combination with a stick, now can you? I will be on vocals, of course. Piano with the chords of C, E, G, and A will be played by Me, and Myself will be rockin' the clarinet. I know you are already salivating for our first album. Which of course will be a CD, none of that dated vinyl crap for US.

The name of my little band is: Mommy's Got A Headache.

Here is a list of songs for the first album. Perhaps you can see my country roots.

Makin' Trouble (Out of Nothin' at All)
Let's Get A Physical
Pony With No Name
It Ain't Easy Bein' Mean
Take This Job and Love It
Devil Went Down to Wal*Mart
Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be Grown-Ups
If I Said You Had a Beautiful Million-Dollar Check Would You Hold it Against Me
Old Dogs, Children, and Watermelons Whine
Chatty Hoochie
Here's $150 for a Cell Phone (Call Someone Who Cares)
Ruby, Don't Take Your Van to Town

As a special treat, I am going to give you the lyrics to my first single.


Ruby, Don't Take Your Van to Town

You've polished up your van
and even filled your tires with air
Ruby are you contemplating
going out somewhere
The writing on the wall
tells me that gas will not go down
Oh Ruby
don't take your van to town

It wasn't me
that started that ol' crazy Iraqi war
You can tell that Bush
don't drive an LSUV car
I sure wish gas was cheap
the way it used to be
Oh Ruby
Let's just have company

It's hard to drive a car
that eats up gas so easily
But we live in the sticks and have to drive to work
which you know sure ain't free
It won't be long I've heard them say
till oil sells by the pound
Oh Ruby
Don't take your van to town

She's leavin' now cause
I just heard the van go up the drive
The way I've heard it go before
as sure as I'm alive
If I could get my gun I'd shoot
the rims down to the ground
Oh Ruby
Don't take your van to town

Oh Ruby
Sweet Gummi Mary...turn around


Don't be critical. I cannot be mocked (like someone else we all know). I think it's a right catchy tune, by cracky. Don't look for it on YouTube. I have dial-up.

In case you want to see the Kenny Rogers edition, you can find it here.


Stewed Hamm said...

Hard to imagine a song about a van with nary a mention of a Van Turkey... but it's not like the album is called "Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's Redneck Diva!"

Still, sounds like a great opportunity for a guest spot.

The Unrepentant Gallivanter said...

Cool song, now I have it in my head, thank you. You know, one of the main reasons we had kids is so we can force them to learn the fiddle, accordian, and bagpipes and have a band. We will play bluegrass and Canadian "Down East" music and will have a cool name like Swamp Patrol or Intravenous Taco. (Well probaby not, but we can dream......)

Hillbilly Mom said...

I thought of our dear Diva just last week, when I took my chicken breasts out of the refrigerator to prepare supper, and thought, "What IS that stench?" At first, I thought it was just some chicken juice that might have spilled onto the outside of the package. But fearing the worst, I did not rip open my breasts, but merely poked a hole onto one side. SWEET GUMMI MARY! That was some spoiled chicken! I tossed it to the dogs, bagged up the trash, and washed my hands with boiling water.

Then I thought, "This must be what poultry smells like when left in a hot van."

I must verify that my chicken arrived home within 10 minutes of purchase, and was immediately refrigerated. The date still showed that it was good for two more days. I complained to the store on my next trip to town. They admitted another customer had brought his back for a refund.

What kind of idiot drives all the way back to the store, stenching up his car (or van) for $4.50 worth of chicken breasts? Not me. The gas would have cost me more than that

You're welcome for the head tunes. Sounds like your ensemble is more versatile than mine. I like the name 'Intravenous Taco'.

I might have to look for a pretty-boy singer with a shag haircut, an anorexic keyboard girl, a wise-a$$ redheaded bass player, a drumming lad with black hair who changes into a blond after one year, and a little red-headed girl to play the tambourine. While I'm recruiting, I will keep HH busy painting our tour bus with bits of left-over paint.

Don't you go releasin' your album the same day as mine.