Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Five Questions And A Statement

How do you know HH has been off work? There are food particles stuck in the kitchen sink drain, gritty dirt on the kitchen floor, and mysterious grease blots on the kitchen counter. I might need to go count the chickens.


How does The Pony do his Christmas shopping? The same way any 11-year-old boy would like to do his Christmas shopping--out of the grabber machine at The Devil's Playground. The Pony has become quite adept at snagging partially-buried jewelry. He already harvested enough bling to give two presents each to Grandma, Aunt, Cousin, other Cousin's Girlfriend. Plus, he also derived the entertainment value from his shopping spree.


What kind of redneck lowlife do you have to be to write on the freakin' wall of the classroom when the teacher is replaced for 4 class periods with a substitute? Not artistic graffiti. Not a pencil on concrete block reproduction of the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Scribbles. Graphite scribbles. What we need is a Rent-A-Mr.-Hand, like from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. A Rent-A-Mr.-Hand to go to the homes of the scribblers, and tag their domicile with unsightly etchings on drywall. Because that would be about as easy to remove as graphite on concrete blocks.


For all of you Mabelish label-readers out there, a surprisingly protein-rich and low-cal treat can be found in The Devil's shrimp eggrolls and mini beef-and-cheese tacos, found near the deli section. The shrimp eggroll has 110 calories and 10 grams of protein, while the 4 mini-tacos per serving sport 200 calories and 7 grams of protein. Just sayin'. Because I don't want Mabel to have to strain herself by holding the package over her head to read the nutritional information like the side-by-side comparison of those two pumpkin pies this afternoon.


Do shoes make the team? The #1 son's basketball cronies are dropping like flies. It's so bad that HE even got to play full-court five-on-five at practice, instead of being shuttled to a side basket. I blame those new team shoes, lightweight, but at the price of little lateral support. Two sprained ankles and a foot problem do not speak well for the Nike Hyperize. I want to get him a separate pair of shoes for practice, since I've already had to get him sports insoles due to lack of cushioning, and he said his ankle took a turn for the worse during the suicides. #1 might just be the last man standing if he can keep his hooves healthy. He even scored twice while playing against Concussor today.


How self-absorbed do you have to be to get hit by an oncoming car while walking to school? Game of chicken, or an unfortunate texting accident? I know that when I used to drive past the school my kids should go to, the students would NOT get off the road. Several times I had to come to a complete stop to wait for an oncoming car to pass, so stubborn were those urchins, demanding three feet of roadway to hoof it to school. They wouldn't step off the road for anything. Not even after that dude was whacked by the state representative's truck mirror on New Year's Eve and landed in a coma for a couple weeks.



Chickadee said...

My brother-in-law was the king of the grabber machines too in his teen years. Here at the "outlet mall" (we have a poor excuse for an outlet mall mall) they have those fancy grabbers that have nintendo wii's and other electronic stuff. I'm skeptical of those though...I think they're set up like the carnival games where you're going to lose. I mean, who gives a wii away for a buck?

I really like New Balance shoes. They cost an arm and a leg and with a growing boy they may not be practical, but they're good quality shoes.

Hillbilly Mom said...

The Pony is pretty good at seeing which items are buried too deep in that black gravel, or the ones that are stacked under bigger ones. He has a plan before he puts in his money.

The #1 son only wants Nikes, but his size twelve-and-a-half must be quite popular, because they are always sold out. I, myself, swear by the New Balance, because they come in different widths.