Friday, June 5, 2009


As we were leaving to go pick up my summer paychecks, The Pony dropped a bomb on me. "Oh, did you go in the bathroom downstairs? Because I saw a bug by the door. It was like a cricket, red and black. Or maybe it was a large crawdad. I came up to tell you, but you were in the shower. Then I forgot."

Um...what kind of freakish mutant bug could I have that can be described as a large crawdad? Because in my creek-wading experience, crawdads are larger than any bugs I've seen in my house. Maybe a praying mantis could beat out a crawdad, but mostly, bugs are smaller. I tried to get more information straight from The Pony's mouth.

How long was it?
Not as long as that millipede.
Was it a spider?
No. Not enough legs.
Was it a scorpion?
I don't know. What's a scorpion look like?
It has a stinger that may be coiled in a curve.
How tall was it?
Taller than the millipede. About twice as tall.
And how long?
Not as long as it was tall.
How was it red and black. Red head, black legs? What?
It had stripes around it. But I only saw one side.
How tall was it?
(The Pony held his thumb and finger at around 2 inches).
And how long?
About the same.
Was it going into the bathroom or coming out?
It was headed out the door.
Did it have a fat body, like a ladybug?
No. It was like a cricket.
Do you know what a cricket looks like?
Did it have hairy legs?
I couldn't tell.
Crickets have hairy legs.
Maybe it was like a grasshopper. I know what a grasshopper looks like.
Did it jump?
No. It didn't move.
Did it have a face?
No. It had antennae.
Was it a wasp?

I can't imagine what that was. The color issue is stumping me. And a 2-inch tall bug is not something I want walking around under my feet. Here's a description for the APB.

Be on the lookout for the following fugitive:

2 inches tall
2 inches long
red and black striped
six legs

The suspect was last seen in the vicinity of Hillbilly Mom's NASCAR bathroom. Suspect is not known to be armed with a stinger.


Chickadee said...


Ok, I have a few guesses:

Red velvet ant

Thread-waisted wasp


Take a picture! I wanna see. ;)

DeadpanAnn said...

I've seen those red velvet ants. We used to see them out in the pasture when we were kids, and I was scared of them because I had been told that when they sting you it hurts like hell. I never knew what they were until Chickadee said red velvet ant, and I immediately knew what she was talking about.

There is too much freaky crap slinking around in your mansion.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I showed The Pony images of all three suspects, and he fingered the red velvet ant. Of course, this morning he declared out of the blue: "Maybe that bug was really some kind of frog."

Miss Ann,
Looks like the red velvet ants are also called "Cow Killers." That must be why you saw them hanging out in the pasture, waiting for a victim. Apparently, they are wingless wasps.

We need to let Farmer H's chickens roam around the grounds, eating all the pests. If we could only keep the dogs from eating the chickens.