Saturday, March 28, 2009

Missin' In The Boys' Room

As promised yesterday, here's what's eating Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. The students have gone off the deep end, and some have managed to swim out of sight of shore. It is anarchy at Newmentia!

On Wednesday, I gave a test, a regular chapter test on Motion, things such as speed, acceleration, net force, etc. At the beginning of 7th hour, I passed out the tests. I pointed out the formulas written on the board in case students might need them for the four problems that were included on the test.

About five minutes after testing began, a sliver of a young man approached my desk. "Can I go to the bathroom?" Normally, I instruct the student to leave his/her cell phone on my desk, and give permission. I am the closest classroom to the bathrooms at my end of the building. My students do not have to pass any other rooms, so I know they won't disturb anyone. No skin off my nose if I let a kid heed nature's call. I figure if they go to the trouble to come up front and ask, they really need to go. This kid has never given me any trouble. I have him twice a day, since he's in my math class, too. He rarely, if ever, has asked to go to the bathroom. So I figured he needed to go NOW, because really, who asks to go to the bathroom in the middle of a test? I didn't even ask for his cell phone. I just nodded for him to go.

Five minutes passed. I sent another youngster to the boys' bathroom to check on Sliver. He came back right away. It IS only about five feet from my door to the boys' bathroom door. Actually, they don't have a door, but a concrete block maze. This has virtually eliminated smoking in the boys' room. I haven't caught a whiff of smoke in the seven years we've been in this building. Except for in the women's faculty bathroom. But I digress...

Checker said, "He's not in there." Mrs. Hillbilly Mom shifted the Mystery Machine into high gear. Another student, he of the one-legged goat story, offered, "I bet he's at the science fair! I bet he's at the science fair!" Which was a red herring, because the school science fair was the previous week, and the junior college science fair is next week. Mrs. HM strode to the back of her room to Command Central. She picked up the phone to dial the library, as Sliver is in the Book Club, and has often asked to go to the library. At that point, Goat Boy announced, "I mean the BOOK fair, not the science fair." Uh huh. Wednesday was the first day of our two-day book fair. In the library.

"Have you seen Sliver?" Mrs. HM asked the breathless librarian, who had been out of her office ogling book fair visitors to cut down on theft. "Yes. He's here." Oh, no he wasn't. At that moment, Sliver walked back into the classroom. He had been gone 15 minutes. "Thanks. He just came in." Mrs. Librarian was tightening his noose unknowingly. "Well, I can assure you that he's been down here in the library." Good to know.

Checker can't keep his mouth shut. He is hereby terminated from Mystery, Inc. "Hey, Sliver. You are SO busted! You weren't in the bathroom. She sent me to check. You were in the library!" Sliver was a deer in 36 ocular headlights. "I never said I wasn't." No. He didn't have a chance to lie to me. Which probably saved him an extra day of ISS.

"What were you doing in the library, Sliver?" I could see the gears churning under that long hair. "I just stopped by for a minute to ask about a book." The library is way down at Mabel's end of the building. Past two bathrooms, a custodian's closet, the faculty workroom, the athletic director's office, the nurse's office, the main entrance, the Principal's office, a classroom, down a ramp, and past the doors to the student parking lot. In no stretch of the imagination could he have "stopped by" the library on his way from Mrs. HM's classroom to the boys' bathroom FIVE FEET AWAY.

Mrs. HM will be avenged. Sliver will have to learn to hold it until the 21st of May.


Stewed Hamm said...

Maybe how forgot how to use the restroom and had gone to look up the information in a book. (They still have books in the library, don't they?)

Hillbilly Mom said...

Perhaps he went to the library to look up answers on the test. Not that any of my students have that much get-up-and-go to put such effort into a grade.