Friday, March 27, 2009

Bringin' The Pain

In his routine from Bring the Pain, Chris Rock has a part where he explains that a man should never hit a woman, and that HE would never hit a woman, but he understands. Let that marinate for a moment. Better yet, find yourself a copy of Bring the Pain.

Once upon a time, there was a teacher who was not really fond of the students. He was about 15 years away from retirement back then, and when I caught up with him 10 years later, he still had the same attitude. I used to giggle nervously at his antics. Now I understand.

His standard line was, "Kids, we hate you!" He said it several times a day, during lunch, during breaks, standing in the hall where kids could hear him. He probably announced it at the beginning of each class period. He didn't care. It was his mantra.

One of his favorite fantasies involved the demise of the slightly-more-than-half of the student body which he found particularly offensive. It went a little something like this: the Principal would get on the PA system and announce, "The following students report to the gym. Bring your books." Then he would read off a list of names. The Principal, not Mr. Sunshine. And in Mr. Sunshine's fantasyland, the students would report to the gym. With their books. The double doors would close. And gas would be pumped through the shower heads in the locker room, down the short hallway, into the gym, neutralizing all those students standing in anticipation, but leaving their books. That was important to Mr. Sunshine--that we get the books back before the students expired.

Yes. It IS macabre. I would never endorse such a fantasy. But I understand.

More on this flash of insight tomorrow.


DeadpanAnn said...

That Chris Rock bit is hilarious. "I'd never hit a woman. But I will shake the SHIT outta one!"

Hillbilly Mom said...

Miss Ann,
I also like his explanation for why we will never have a Black Vice-President:

Some Black dude will shoot the white President. Nothing bad will happen to the shooter. He will be sent to prison, where he will be a hero to all the brothers. Next thing you know, he will get a pardon from the new Black President.