Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Additions To Mrs. HM's Never Ever List

A while back, maybe even in one of my previous blog lives, I shared with you Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's Never Ever List. It's a list I put on the white board (or now on my SmartBoard that is just a glorified projector screen) on the first day of school. A list of things my students should never, ever do unless they are just itching to incur my wrath. It starts out with simple things like:

Never, Ever...
...take anything off Mrs. HM's desk
...open the windows without permission
...write or erase anything on the whiteboard
...sit on top of the desk

See. They're common sense, really. But today, I found the necessity of adding two more.

Never, Ever...
...poke a pencil into your scar tissue
...tell people that once you become President, you will kill them

The first one, because a girl squealed, and of course I chastised her, but she apologized, and said, "Just please make him stop. He's poking a pencil into his scar tissue." OK. I'm a reasonable person. I told him to stop. Personal rights of poking scar tissue with a pencil end when you enter Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's classroom, by cracky!

The second one was uttered by the girl who went apoplectic over my self-cut hair a few months ago. She was upset with some boys who were teasing her, and she muttered, "When I'm President, I'm going to kill you." For which I thanked her very much for her forthrightness, said I would make a note of it, and in later life, if some tragedy befell them, I would go straight to the police and make her threat known. I then told her that she might want to re-think using that as a campaign slogan: "When I'm President...I'm going to kill you." She told the class, "I wouldn't kill all of you. I wouldn't kill Mrs. Hillbilly Mom...until I made sure she had a good haircut." She's a downright thoughtful lass for a budding murderer.

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