Sunday, March 8, 2009

Cry A Single Garbage Indian Tear For Uncle Sam

I took a look at our taxes today. About a 4-hour look. Missouri has gone completely wonky. It used to be a thin little booklet with freaky instructions that read like a math puzzle: divide your number by two. Now multiply by 16. Get up and run a circle around your chair. Salute the cuckoo clock. Divide by 16. Multiply that answer by two. Separate your income to show what percent each spouse earned. Combine the incomes for each spouse to get your total income.

Yeah. It really was kind of odd, like they were just putting your through math boot camp to see if you were cheating. Now it has a bunch of extra forms referring back to Federal forms. I'm planning to jump through the hoops, but at my own pace.

Now here's something disturbing. I swear that I read something about deducting rent. YOU HEARD ME! Deducting RENT! Maybe I didn't read closely enough, but I'm sure I saw something in there about deducting RENT! Do you mean to tell me that I can only deduct my mortgage interest, and not my payments, but that people who do not own property or pay property taxes can deduct their freakin' RENT? Is that what is says, people? Because I've got to do some studyin' on these tax forms. That doesn't seem right, now does it? I found it here online, on p. 20 or p. 17 depending on whether you go by the document or the html version page number. Property Tax Credit Claim my a$$. It says RENTERS can claim it. I swear. Missouri is off it's ever-lovin' rocker, by cracky! (In the event that I misread this travesty of tax law...never mind.)

And another thing...I've got to jump through more hoops to see if I can qualify my kids for a Federal child tax credit. Not anything extra or special like an additional child tax credit, or child care tax credit. Nope. Just the basic child tax credit. We've qualified every year. After all, they ARE children. Maybe I need 14 kids. Then I bet I'd get a hefty tax refund--even if I didn't work in 2008. Apparently, my children don't count. They must be secret adults, supporting themselves. Oh, or maybe we're so fabulously wealthy because we don't spend any money on raising our kids. Yeah. I could understand that. If I got government child care for them, and food, and medical, and free school lunch & breakfast, yeah. I could see why I wouldn't get a break on my taxes for them, because they are being supported by other taxpayers. WAIT A MINUTE! Those people DO get a child tax credit, and additional child tax credits, and oh, let's see...earned income credit for the income they don't earn.

I'm fit to be tied. Uncle Sam is a backwards fool at tax time. He's grown senile, or is being elder-abused by those elected officials, the ones who don't even pay their OWN taxes.

And while my eyeballs are popping out of my head, did you see the picture of that homeless guy at the photo op for Michelle Obama? You know, the homeless guy taking her picture on his cell phone while going through the line for free food? How'd he do that? How'd he get a cell phone if he doesn't have a home or money to eat? Where do they sent the bill for his cell phone? Oh, I get it. Maybe he has a pay-as-you-go account. That way, he can use his free money from the government for being homeless to pay for a cell phone. Yeah. That must be it. I'm sure those homeless people like to text each other all day long, what with not being hampered by a job or housekeeping chores or whatnot.


DeadpanAnn said...

My head hurts.

The bit about deducting rent isn't helping. I wonder if the government is trying to encourage people not to own property. That would certainly make it easier for the communists to finish their takeover, wouldn't it?

Good luck with your child tax credits. We didn't get jack sh*t for Charlie, even though a giant chunk of our income gets taken from us to pay for other people's kids' healthcare and school lunches and welfare cheese and everything else while their parents drive Cadillacs and dress better than we do.

I hate the fckn government.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Miss Ann,
And just think of all that meth money that doesn't have to be reported as income. Meth is one of Missouri's main industries, you know.

Oh and some doofus in the Missouri legislature, probably the governor, is talking about changing the conditions to qualify for free medical care, saying that no taxes will be used to pay for the added expense. Supposedly, hospitals are generously donating $52 million from money they get to cover the cost of the uninsured. HELLO! Why have they not been using that money to pay for the uninsured up to now???? GET THIS:

"But today, too many parents are going without the medical care they need, or they're turning to emergency rooms instead of a traditional doctor's office. As a result, families with health insurance are picking up this tab with higher premiums and co-pays."

Yep. It was Gov. Jay Nixon. Here's the link:

Sounds a little different than the story I get from students in attendance trouble who say, "All I have to do is go to the emergency room and get a note. If you say you have a headache, they write 'sinus infection' and if you say you have a cough, they write 'bronchitis'. Then I get excused because it is medical, and they can't kick me out for those extra 3 or 4 days I missed."

Stewed Hamm said...

Is there a "I have to live in Springfield with all the crazy-ass people" deduction? If not, there should be... what with all the added expenses for securing one's home from the TV shooting monkey enthusiasts, and whatnot.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Springfield is a hub of cultural and educational elitists, compared to where I live in the hinterlands.

Let's remember that my friend the insurance adjuster was once given the following directions:

"You go down that gravel road until it turns to dirt. When you see that upside-down car, turn left. My house is the one with the telephone pole stickin' out the front door. We been burnin' it in the woodstove."

DeadpanAnn said...

LOVE the directions. I thought my directions were bad in Yazoo Co. I couldn't even give directions because everything looked the same. "Take a right at the cotton field" would send someone into a never ending circle, so I had to tell them to pass the Simmons catfish processing plant and turn when they saw the Mexicans out in front of a row of block buildings.