Toot Toot

Allow me, for just one evening, to toot my own horn. There's one small bit of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom that you have not been privy to. As you can see, it's not her penchant for ending sentences with prepositions. No. This is a talent that can pay off.

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is a football genius. And by genius, I mean that I placed 19th out of 191 entrants in our local newspaper's prep football prognostication contest. Yep. I'm a freakin' genius. Years ago, when my children were small, and I could just plop them down and ignore them, I entered this contest. Twice, I won the weekly $100 prize. Another occasion, I tied, and earned second place due to my tiebreaker, and won $50. That ain't just random good luck, people. That's a mark of genius. I'm surprised the pros don't call and offer me a head coaching position.

My method of picking my teams is a combination of W-L records, who beat whom the previous week, who has the home field advantage, historical rivalries, and demographics. Sometimes, you see, country kids just want it more than urban kids. This first week, I was 8/11 (73%), and because some games are weighted more heavily than others, I attained a score of 10 out of 13. The winner this week had a score of 12. I would have done one better, but my alma mater dared to WIN, after playing suckily all these many years. How dare they! The five 'experts' from the paper had scores of 11, 10, 9, 8, and 0. The 9 was last year's overall champion. He must have gotten lazy, lolling around in his recliner.

I figured I might as well brag while I can, since I may go down in flames on Friday. This contest lasts the whole football season, with prizes every week. Unfortunately, the constriction has caused prize money to decline. It is only $15 per week now. Oh, and a $5 pizza coupon. But wait! If I can garner the best record by the end of the season, I can win a recliner! Uh, huh. You know you want it. Don't hate me because I have a chance to bring home a recliner. Hate me because I'm from Missouri, where you can take your gun out onto the runway and shoot at planes willy-nilly.