Wednesday, September 30, 2009

This Just In

The military did not show up today to give our seniors the ASVAB as scheduled. Like the military has something better to do. I blame Obama.

In yet another attempt to kill Mrs. Hillbilly Mom, a student tried to infect her with swine flu.
The Kid asked to borrow a pencil. He has not had a pencil for the past three days. Since the girl The Kid stole a pencil from yesterday was absent, I told him all I had was a BLUE PEN than I found in my classroom. He could use it if he returned it. "There it is," I told him, "that BLUE PEN on my desk, right beside my GREEN GLASSES CASE." He went to get it, I went to my laptop to do what I should have done before school had the #1 Rumpelstiltskin not made me late by snoozing 12 minutes into my drive time. The Kid worked away, between yelling that his partner had the swine flu, because she was sick and had a fever. At the end of class, I caught The Kid returning the borrowed pen. It was my BLACK PEN that I never loan, because I don't want kid cooties all over it. THE HORROR!!! I had to give it a GermX bath.

People in Missouri are having swine flu parties to infect their kids. See, they're so worried that their kids will get swine flu and die, or that the vaccine is tainted and will kill them, that they are deliberately giving their kids swine flu so they don't have to worry about them catching it and possibly dieing. Go figure.

Jon Gosselin stopped his divorce proceedings right after TLC dumped him from the title of the Jon and Kate Plus 8 show. You know, the show he didn't want to be on, because it was too hard for him to cheat on Kate with all those nosy cameramen around. And shortly after declaring that he despised Kate, and can not even sit on a couch with her to film parts of that show he is no longer a star of, he has decided that the divorce is causing him pain, and that he only needed a divorce in the first place because Kate abused him so much that he had low self-esteem and was looking for love in all the right places meaning bars and babysitters and journalists.

Rep. Alan Grayson (D) Florida wants you to die quickly. Well, he says the Republicans want you to die quickly, but I think maybe he is projecting just a tad. Anyhoo, he got his 15 minutes of fame. Now let's see how this plays out in his Republican-leaning district. And what news story he was supposed to take the heat off of today by his little visual aid-enhanced performance last night. The Obama Olympics? Afghanistan? That czar dude who didn't protect a 15-year-old from a sexual predator when the kid confessed to him back in 1987 when the czar dude was a teacher?


Gail said...

I enjoy your style!

Hillbilly Mom said...

I enjoy your pictures on your blog!

Stewed Hamm said...

I heard that Rep Grayson's campaign contributions went through the roof after his witty speechifyin. either he's that desperate for funding, or he's angling to retire in 2010 (rather than get soundly beaten) and just keep all the extra donations.

After all this hoopla with writing instruments in your classroom, I'm surprised you haven't invested in some of those pens with chains that they use at banks.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Maybe he can store those donations in his freezer. Surely nobody would think to look there.

That's a scathingly brilliant idea, that pen on a chain. Today I did a lab using bars of soap. The kids were begging for the soap, and I don't think they want to be clean. One said, "I need it for this weekend." I had to make sure they were all accounted for. The soaps, not the kids. Next year I'm getting soap on a rope.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I am also in MO..... I like to tell my campers who ask about the surrounding area and what it might offer that they are in the middle of nowhere in the great state of Missouri ( pronounced... misery).