I Am My Own Pharmacist

I have a terrible headache, so this will be brief.

Make that: I HAD a terrible headache. I will still try to be brief. It came on all at once, a severe pain at the top of my nose, between my eyebrows. You know, where the UNI would be, if I had a unibrow. At the same time, my nose started to drip. The Sherlock Holmes part of me says it is a sinus headache. (Make sure you realize I said 'Sherlock Holmes', not 'Surelick Holmes', which is the name of a movie I was once persuaded to see at a little theater called 'The Studio' during my misspent youth. While I'm sure you'd like to hear the rest of THAT story, I'll leave that to your imagination, and my friend Bean's foggy memory. I don't actually remember if Bean was part of that excursion, but it was our mutual acquaintance who resembled tiny singer Paul Williams who organized the trip).

Anyhoo, I don't know why the sudden onset of my noggin pain. I did not make any sudden movements. Are you kidding? I'm Hillbilly Mom, by cracky! The biggest energy-conserver on the planet. IF it is my own energy. The #1 son put on some new anti-perspirant, but I've never reacted to fragrances in that manner. The Mansion air conditioner kicked on, and seemed colder than it has been. So cold, in fact, that I accused HH of changing the filter, a task which the thermostat warns us should be done each month, but which HH thinks he can let slide for about 18 months. HH would only declare that he has changed the filter, and when pressed for a date (which he used to write on the side of the unit, until the #1 son started following him and would read to me, thus proving HH's negligence) that he has changed the filter THIS YEAR. Since it is now June, I'm thinking this is not a good sign.

The pain has abated somewhat, after my self-medicating experiment. If I was working, I would take two ibuprofen and been done with it. The only complaints I have with the ibuprofen is that it takes too long to work (sometimes 90 minutes), that it makes my hands swell up, and that it makes me drowsy. In a hurry to shed the pain, I took a shot of The Pony's liquid Tylenol left over from when he broke his elbow. It's not the good kind, like with a number 3 or 4 after the Tylenol part. It's just the regular stuff that smells like red Kool-Aid. The Pony has also taken it when he gets a headache. It works within 5-10 minutes for him. Since the label said that The Pony should take 2 teaspoons every 4 hours as needed, I figured I could take 4 teaspoons. You know, since The Pony is just a 10-year-old hank of bone and skin, weighing about 70 pounds, and I'm...well...an old hag weighing just a little bit more. Then I threw a Bufferin down my throat for good measure, and chased it with some Coke (the soda, not the recreational drug) to get it all mixin' in my bloodstream. That's because when they gave The Pony his medicines at Children's Hospital, they always made him take them with a sip of soda instead of water. I don't know why, unless the carbonation gets it going faster, or if the sugar spikes the blood sugar level, or if the soda fends off nausea, or what. Perhaps they just thought it was easier to get kids to take medicine with soda.

I am pleased to report that this little remedy kicked that headache's butt within 22 minutes. It has now been 2 hours and 15 minutes without pain in my melon, so I consider it a success.

I've got to get a refill on that magical elixir before October.