Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Current Events With Mrs. Hillbilly Mom

We are rapidly approaching the year 2012, people. Do you have your handbaskets ready? Because every day, the world goes a little crazier.

Gone are the days when suicidal people could just close the garage door and start the car. The price of gas might even be affecting the way people decide to end their lives. Or the economy is so bad they can't even afford cars. Did you see this? A guy went up with some skydivers to take pictures, and when they all jumped out of the plane, so did he...without a parachute. The police ruled his death a suicide. Apparently, he took pictures of himself on the way down.

The son of Indiana Jones used the f*gg*t word on YouTube, though I'm sure he didn't plan on being on YouTube at the time of slurring. That Shia dude is one bad seed. He has also been arrested for trespassing in a Walgreens, and had a warrant issued for failing to appear in court on illegal smoking charges. Crikey! Lock him up and throw away the key! Three strikes, you know.

Remember last blog, when I told you about the guy who killed his wife by shooting into the wall to install his satellite dish? Even though she was outside, his bullet found her and snuffed her out. I can't find the link right now, but my main horror at this incident was that it happened in MISSOURI. Of course it did, you say. Well, here's a story just to prove that our neighbors to the west are just as dumb. A guy's friend accidentally shot him in the head with a nail gun, nailing his hat on sideways, and not in a fashionable way.

My favorite part is: Med-Act spokesman Jeff Johnson said Chandler remained alert and conscious for the most part, passing out only once when someone mentioned the nail.

That part, and this:
He was scheduled for surgery when his doctor entered his room early and announced he was going to remove the nail using a sterilized screwdriver and claw hammer from the maintenance department.

“I thought he was just trying to scare me,” Chandler said.

Yeah. It reminds me of the SNL recurring sketch 'Appalachian Emergency Room.'

Thank the Gummi Mary, MISSOURI people were able to stay out of the news so far this week.