Friday, February 6, 2009

Off To The Baloney Tent Prison

I have a trilogy for you tonight, people. A trilogy of true crime that occurred right before my very eyes today. A trilogy of true crime for which the penalty should be incarceration in the baloney tent prison in Maricopa County, Arizona, until a lesson is learned. It shouldn't take long.

Case One: Sale of Illegal Substance at School
No, not that kind of illegal substance. Just something that can not be sold by a student at school. We're not in the business of turning out entrepreneurs or price-gougers. We're in the business of educatin' the young 'uns.

BusinessBoy has been bringing gum and candy to school. Kids know this. One such kid shouted across the room as I was taking roll, "Hey, give me a piece of gum! I'll pay you a dollar." I told BusinessBoy, "You know, students are not allowed to sell things at school. It's in the school policy." I warned him, because he used to go to school elsewhere until this year. I wanted to make sure he knew not to do that. But BusinessBoy has a backtalking streak. "It's just CANDY. And besides, I wasn't selling it. I GIVE it to people, and they pay me later." Something tells me that he should not plan to represent himself in court.

What with the attitude displayed by BusinessBoy, I made it my business to inform the Principal at lunch what was going down on a daily basis. Yep. I'm a big ol' narc. If I hear it, I will tell. At the beginning of the school year, I emphasize that to every class. Guess some of them don't listen very closely. Anyhoo, by telling the Principal, it made us both happy. Me and the Principal, not me and the BusinessBoy. I made my point, and the kid got a talking-to, and the Principal did not have another incident to add to his discipline report at the monthly board meeting.

BusinessBoy had the nerve to pass me in the hall and say, "You HAD to turn me in, huh? For fake-selling candy." I told him loudly for all to hear, "You are the one who told me you 'give' them candy and they 'pay' you later. That is your own quote. That is what I told the Principal. Anything that I hear, I WILL TELL. I let you know that at the beginning of the year." BusinessBoy lost a little wind out of his 'sale'. He slunk off with his candy bag rustling in his backpack.

Case Two: Stalker at the Window
For the past several weeks, my 4th hour kids look up at the door. Sometimes they huff, sometimes they giggle, sometimes they say, "There's that kid." I am usually too busy to notice. My class gets right back to work. They never have mentioned his name, even when I ask. They don't know or don't remember. I figured it was one of my Techy kids hanging around on their way to lunch.

Today, while the kids were working on the laptops, they told me again. One mentioned Stalker by name. I looked over at the small rectangular window in my classroom door. He had a goofy look. He would not let one of my students back into the room after a trip to the computer lab. He stuck his goofy face against my window and rubbed it around. I pointed with my thumb and told him to take a hike. He should his head, and pointed the other direction. I told him, "Leave now." The returning student maneuvered his way around, much like getting position for a rebound. Stalker left with a smirk.

In the hall before 6th hour, Stalker came a-traipsin'. He was almost tardy for his class. Few students remained. I shouted as he neared me, "Do not come to my classroom during lunch when I am having class. That is a disruption of my class time. I do not want your face grease all over my window. This is your warning. I will write you up the next time you come back. I hope everyone in the hall hears this, so you can't say you weren't warned. Do you understand?" Stalker nodded. Again, problem solved. He has a second chance, so it's all on him if he returns.

Case Three: The Curious Case of the Laptop Plug-Ins
This case remains unsolved. When we took out the laptops 5th hour, one of them was broken. The students trying to use it told me so after about 15 minutes. "We have a black screen. It won't come on." I questioned them until I found out that upon pressing 'Power', the thing started in black screen and said it was starting. Then it got to a point where it just kept blinking a box that said it was repairing the start-up problem. I put it on my desk. After another 5 minutes, it said that it was unable to repair. It also said, 'If you have inserted a music device or camera, unplug it now.' I checked, but all of Acer's holes were free. I called LunchBuddy, who knows her way around a computer. She said to turn off the power, let it rest three minutes, and try it again. She would send someone up to get it.

I turned it off. I turned it on. Aha! It started. Bwah ha ha! It gave me the name of the last person to log on! I set it for a new user, and gave it back to the students. I asked them what they did before it went wonky. Nothing. Did they plug in an MP3 or a camera or a phone? No.

On my plan time, I checked to see where the logger and partner were 7th hour. I called their teachers to send the suspects to me as soon as they arrived. The Logger was visibly nervous. But she's that type. I said, "Did anything unusual happen with your laptop today when you started it or shut down?" She said no. Nothing. It worked fine. Did she plug in anything? Perhaps a camera, phone, or music. No. I tossed this little fish back into the pond that was her math class.

Partner came from a different math class. "Did anything unusual happen with your laptop today when you started it or shut down?" "No. Don't you remember, I asked to go to the bathroom? It was restarting that whole time I was gone. Madame X had it before us, and she locked it. So we had to restart, and it took a long time." Did she plug in anything? Perhaps a camera, phone, or music? "No. I didn't even touch it today. Logger did all that. And while I'm here, can you check my grade for me, because I think I'm failing."

So...some new evidence to investigate. Madame X, the LOCKER. She has already been warned once for locking. Partner seemed the most believable, though I have had to warn her before about getting out a camera in the classroom. Logger seemed shifty, but has never given me a moment of trouble. We may have to send this one to Unsolved Mysteries.


There you have it, the True Crime Trilogy. Two crimes solved, and unsolved one with suspects who know they are being watched.

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. Ever vigilant.


DeadpanAnn said...

Nice. I think I would behave in your class, HM.

Word verification-- Awbacca.

Chubacca's cousin?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Miss Ann,
You must not like baloney.

Awbacca is Chewbacca's AWESOME cousin.