Saturday, November 8, 2008

HM's Series Of Unfortunate Events

I have been so wrapped up in all things election here on my non-political little blog that I forgot to whine about my visit to the lady-doctor last week. Don't worry. I remember it like it was yesterday.

To begin with, the appointment was on a Monday, which is never good, because who in their right mind enjoys Monday, and I am pretty sure, though I haven't take a survey, that nobody likes that annual visit to the lady-doctor. As a matter of fact, I skipped mine last year all together. Hey! Blame the doctor. He's the one who called in another year of refills on my medicine, even though I did not come in for my appointment. Imagine my non-surprise when I called in a refill last month, and the pharmacy stapled a rude little yellow note on the bag, decreeing that I would make an appointment with the doctor, or there would be no more refills.

I called the office on Thursday afternoon, and snagged a Monday appointment for 4:15. They're not exactly beating down the door to get in to see the lady-doctor, though his message while you're on hold is that his is the #1 office in the area. I can believe it. His office is always pleasant, no matter which different workers may be there, and they do their best to put you at ease. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Monday dawned, still in daylight savings time, which meant it dawned in the dark for my ride to school. The #1 son forgot his glasses, so we had to backtrack, which put me in quite a rush. As I walked in the back door to Newmentia, I spied the Principal taping black plastic trash bags over the drinking fountains, which can only mean one thing in Newmentia: we have no water. Usually, this means that there has been a problem with the town pump, and there is a boil order in effect. A quick trip to the bathroom just before first bell revealed that there was no water. Nada. We were dry as a bone. Not only did we have no drinking water, we had no hand-washing or toilet water. I suppose a normal school would call off classes for the day. But we are not a normal school. Keep in mind, when we are out of water, Elementia is also out of water. Little kids, people. With no toilets or hand-washing! But what can you do, in today's society where people have to work, and don't have anyone to pick up their kids once they have sent them off to school for safekeeping? You can't let kids off a bus where nobody is home.

I had a headache by the end of 1st hour. Lucky for me I keep bottled water in my fridge. The school, having learned their lesson on the bottled-water hoarders, set out jugs and plastic cups by the office. The custodians drove to the Basementia area, where there is a separate water source, and filled them. Oh, and since the already-ordered port-a-potties were running late, we ran a bus of pee-ers to Basementia every hour for the first three class periods. Kids who held it all day, every day got on that bus every hour. Because HEY it's a free bus ride to Basementia, and it takes up 30 minutes of class time every hour. Yeah. You can see how productive the school day is when we don't have water.

Apparently, there was a whistle-blower in our midst, because by my lunchtime at 10:53 a.m., a state health inspector had popped in for a visit at Elementia, and a DNR lady showed up at Newmentia to take a water sample. Which of course, we did not have, because HELLO we had no water. Nada. I, myself, was late for lunch, and did not have time to eat, because I drove myself to Basementia to use my old facilities. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has no desire to enter a port-a-potty used by high school boys. Oh, and this situation threw the kids for a loop, too. "But which one is the boys' and which one is the girls'?" And, "What do you mean they are side by side? The boys' is right next to the girls'?" Sweet Gummi Mary! You'd think we dug a trench and lined them all up to squat! Then the kids who had been riding the pee bus every hour declared that there was NO WAY they were going in a port-a-potty, and that they would hold it until they got home.

I, myself, had to hold it all afternoon until my boys got off the bus and I drove them to my mom's house for safekeeping while I met with the Mr. Lady-Doctor.

But you will have to wait until tomorrow to finish that saga...


DeadpanAnn said...

Having an appointment on a Monday wouldn't bother me as much as having an appointment at 4:15. When it comes to having my lady bits inspected, I like to do it first thing in the morning, fresh out of the shower. Of course I care less about such vanities now that I've suffered the many indignities of childbirth, what with having been paraded down the hallway ass-out, shaved bald down below by a nurse who promised only to shave my stomach, and left lying in a pool of my own blood for eight hours after my surgery while all the staff tended to someone more important down the hallway. Yeah. Who cares if it's clean? After all that, maybe the doctor deserves whatever he finds under the sheet. He's seen worse, right??

They didn't offer to do any surgeries while you're awake, did they?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Miss Ann,
I always take the morning appointment if I go in the summer, or over Christmas break. But he was about to cut off my meds, which necessitated emergency action.

That's just the thing about my series of unfortunate events. Of ALL the days to go to school and have NO WATER AT ALL, it's the day of the afternoon lady-doctor appointment.

I'm still waiting for this one to Even-Steven itself.