Friday, September 19, 2008

Quirking For The Weekend

I have been tagged by Cricky, by cracky! The tagging has been few and far between in the last couple of years. Methinks the ITs have grown tired of reading my stale Hillmomba tales. I have been ostracized from the memers, and banned from joining in their meme-ing games like a 10th-grader who plays with Pokemon cards. But that's OK. I'm a big girl. My self-esteem in healthy. I'm no EMO. I will survive.

Cricky wishes to find out 6 Quirks. Be careful what you wish for.

6 Quirky Things About Hillbilly Mom

1. I do not like people. Really. I would rather be alone than with a group. The only people-thing I enjoy is TRIVIA. Otherwise, I like to stay home at my computer, or in front of the TV (with nobody to bother me with incessant yapping), or in my recliner with a good book. I don't see what's so bad about prison if you can act crazy enough to get yourself a private cell. You have everything done for you, and you have time alone to read. Kind of like that nut Sigourney Weaver played in A Map of the World.

2. I prefer to sit at the back. In the movies, in a restaurant, at a faculty meeting, at a sporting doesn't matter. I don't want to feel trapped. I don't want people looking at me. I need to scope out the situation.

3. I am really, really bad with directions. I do not like driving to new places. I have to write itemized instructions on how to get there, and then reverse them for another list of how to get home. I once got lost inside a Dillard's store at Battlefield Mall in Springfield, MO. Fie on those mirrors and that round floor plan!

4. I have quite an interesting past, which I could never tell because people would have to kill me. Not like in organized crime, people. But things that others don't want people to know about them. And that doesn't even include the one who went undercover for three years in a meth sting operation.

5. When I finally go to bed between midnight and 2:00 a.m., I sometimes worry about things that could happen to my family. It is always darkest before the dawn, you know. What if one of my family gets lost in a Dillards?

6. I write in capital block letters. Yes, I am aware that handwriting analysis shows this to be a need for control. DON'T I KNOW IT!

That's not very interesting, I know. They're not so much quirks as signs of mental illness. I suppose I could have elaborated on my loathing of grape-flavored anything, or my habit of sticking Kleenex up my nostrils when I try to sleep when I have a cold, or my love of sweet, sweet Histinex, or that I don't like people coming into my Mansion because they might judge me on my housekeeping skills (which are truly non-existent), or that I can't stand to be hugged or patted or squeezed or touched by anyone other than my immediate family (so much that Mabel's Christmas hug is something I endure just for Mabel, as she well knows), or that I have done several good deeds for people throughout my life, monetary good deeds, which I do not talk about because then it would be like I wanted credit for them, or that I put almost everyone else's needs ahead of my own (though you would never know it with all of my talk about ME ME ME), or that I try to wring the very last mile out of every gallon of gas in my T-Hoe.

But at least I did not inherit my dad's quirk of never being able to order at a drive-thru speaker, instead making my mom lean over and do it for him.

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