The Horror

Something is fishy about my Sonic soda. Something is amiss. I overcame my Sonic Cherry Diet Coke habit a while back, and went sodaless or imbibed A&W Diet Root Beer from a can housed in my own basement minifridge. Lately, I have been drawn to the Sonic Diet Coke With Lime. I will admit to doctoring it up when I get back to the Mansion, adding some extra lime juice and a tablespoon of sugar. Oh, come on! Like you've never added sugar to a Diet Coke! The sugar takes the edge off the lime. Considering that a 12 oz can of regular Coke contains 10 teaspoons of sugar, I don't think it is scandalous that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom adds one tablespoon of sugar to her Route 44 Sonic Diet Coke With Lime. And she would never do such a thing if only Diet Coke was involved. It's the lime, stupid! That tart citrus solution needs a buffer before pooling in Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's stomach. But we're not here to discuss HM's sugar peccadilloes.

Did you know that Sonic has a policy for dishing out drink fruit? Me neither. But I'm guessing they do, because each time I get a large Sonic Diet Coke With Lime, I get three fourths of a lime floating on top. And when I get the Route 44, I get four fourths of lime. And they must be very special limes, too, because there is nary a seed to spoil my dalliance with my little green friend. Here's what they do, those Sonic soda mixologists. They cut the top and bottom off the lime, and make two slices down through it. Not so that you see the little cross sections...the other way. And then they drop them on top of those delectable ice pellets that can not be replicated by nature or Mrs. Hillbilly Mom.

When I get that magical elixir home, I rip off the lid, squeeze the juice out of the four lime slices before discarding their dehydrated skins, and add a squirt of real lime juice from a plastic squeeze bottle about yea high that I purchase at Save-A-Lot. It's not in the lime-shaped squeezie. That's not real lime juice. It's in a kind of elongated green plastic thingy, which has a tag that says it is REAL lime juice, and that it is imported, I'm thinking from Italy, but I don't know for sure, or even whether Italy is known for limes, since I'm not a citizen of the world. I then add my sugar, and my beverage is good to go. Good to go down to my basement lair for leisurely sipping.

You notice that I don't leave the limes in my cup. That is because they will eventually become Coke-logged, and sink to the bottom, where they interfere with the slurping of the straw. So I squeeze out the juice and toss the leftover pulp and peels. That's how I roll. It's a comforting routine. Until today.

I pried the lid off my Route 44 Sonic Diet Coke With Lime and picked up the first fourth of lime to squeeze out the sweet sour juice. Which is the point where my comforting routine went to H in a handbasket.

THE LIME SECTION HAD ALREADY BEEN SQUEEZED!!!

Ain't that a fine how-do-you-do? Upon further inspection, a total of three of the four lime fourths were found to be ABS. That means ALREADY BEEN SQUEEZED. That is OH SO WRONG! Nobody wants the Sonic dude squeezing her limes with his questionable fingers. You know how it is...you squeeze the lime, and juice squirts out into the cup and some onto your hands and drips into the soda. And I don't notice the drive-thru Sonic soda jockeys wearing plastic gloves. But they sure dip into the fruit tray to sling in some sections of citrus. There's gotta be a law against barehandedly squeezing somebody's fruit. Sure, they could have used a squeezy-thingy with a round dealybobber at the end, and two handles like a nutcracker doodad. But I've never seen them do it. I didn't actually see this dude make my soda. But he was a new guy. He even forgot my straw, so I had to sit there blocking the drive-thru until he opened the window again. Oh, he looked clean enough, much in the way that Hillary Clinton was said to be likeable enough during the democratic primary debates. But that's really not very reassuring.

I'm hoping that is was just a matter of pre-squeezing, not a matter of taking the lime out of someone's returned soda and refruiting my drink.

I was hardly able to swill the whole thing down.