Friday, March 5, 2010

Don't Try This At Home

Thank the Gummi Mary, this crazy wasn't from Missouri. Congratulations, Michigan!

Thomas Heugel was arrested for performing circumcisions in his home. He is not a doctor. Yet men went there and paid him to circumcise them. WTF? It's not like they were going to their next-door neighbor and getting an amateur haircut. No sirree, Bob! What could a dude have running through his head that could make him submit to something of this sort? You'd think his hat was too tight. That he was not using his thinking cap. Maybe it was a misguided attempt at keeping up with the Johnsons. Perhaps the police knew it was just a matter of time before heads started to roll if they didn't nip this guy in the bud. Hats off to the cop who started this investigation.

According to the news report:

Neighbors are dumbfounded by the charges.

"We had Thanksgiving dinner with him about four years ago and everything was okay over there but obviously not," said Danneen Miller.

Let's get this straight. Four years ago, the neighbors had Thanksgiving dinner with The Lopper. And everything was OK over there. As opposed to freakin' WHAT? Did they think he would have offered to circumcise one of them while carving the turkey? Did they think there would have been just-circumcised men sitting around on the sofa in a makeshift recovery room? Did they think Thomas would have worn his white coat and said, "Call me Doc."

How could they NOT be dumbfounded? How could they possibly know what was going on inside Thomas's house? Surely they were not peeping though his windows, or eavesdropping with a Miracle Ear, or inspecting the private parts of people who went into and out of Thomas's home. Why blame the neighbors for being ignorant of Thomas's proclivities?

Note-To-Self, people: Do not go to a guy's bedroom for any type of surgery, even if he's wearing a white coat and says he's a doctor.


Cazzie!!! said...

That is just!

Hillbilly Mom said...

I hear ya, sistah! I don't know who is wronger...the mad circumciser or the nutty circumcisees.

Stewed Hamm said...

Wow. Like they expect the guy to just go to town on the turkey, making a big show out of circumcising it before serving everyone a slice of bird. You know, because if he's not constantly performing circumcisions then there must not be any possibility that something's amiss.

On the other hand, if he did do that, it'd be one heck of a show at the table... assuming that anyone wanted to see "Thanksgiving at the Bobbits."

Hillbilly Mom said...

If he did that, he would have had to leave the table to take a drive and toss his carving onto the lawn of the Paty-Kake Daycare. The neighbors would have been onto him.