Like A Hole In The Head

Gosh! You haven't heard about HH's new purchase, have you? But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Friday morning, I actually got to school on time, ran some copies, wrote my lessons on the white board, graded a set of papers, entered grades into Gradebook, set up Gradebook for the day's assignments, checked my email, started to order my #1 son a pair of basketball shoes...and my phone rang. The classroom phone. It was the secretary asking if HH had contacted me. I told her no. She said that he had called the office saying that he couldn't reach me on my cell phone, and that he needed to talk to me. Duh. I turn off my cell phone when I get to school, and hide it in the closet. That's the rule. I think I'm the only one who follows it.

By that time, there was a whopping 30 seconds until the bell (don't think teachers are not aware of EXACTLY when that bell will ring), so I had to retrieve my cell phone, turn it on, and hide it in my pocket. At the bell, I flagged down my buddy from two doors down to watch my class. Thinking HH had had a heart attack and was about to speak his dying words, I dashed into the teacher workroom, mercifully free of any teachers doing work, and dialed him up. HH sounded pretty healthy when he answered, so I took that opportunity to yell at him for calling me at school. He shrugged it off and told me his secretary was selling her van. Thanks for sharing. But in the back of my mind, I knew it could only mean that HH was jonesin' for a new car. A new USED car. Just how many cars does one family need?

HH said that it was a 1999 Dodge Caravan, one owner, good tires, and that she wanted $1000 for it. I told him that he would have to deal with taking the money out of savings. That was it. He would have been all pissy if I denied him his new car. Let's not forget that his last new car was just a few months ago, the one he bought off the drugstore parking lot for $1400. It's a sickness, I tell you. I hope the kids enjoy this Caravan wrapped up under the tree Christmas morning. HH has spenditassoonasigetititis, what with his questionable Christmas bonus coming up. At least he USED to wait until he actually had the bonus before he went out and spent it.

We drove 14 miles in 50 minutes Saturday to pick up the new car. That's because HH had to take the scenic route, which was in the opposite direction of the new car. Go figure! Then he had the audacity to yell at me when I complained that he was not going the way he had told me. He said this would get us there just the same, though let it be noted that the return trip took only 30 minutes. Hey! It's a rural area, with two-lane blacktop. The height of the insanity was when I accused HH of using up gas in my T-Hoe, and he shouted, "I don't know how I am using gas...I'm just driving!" Which, umm, is EXACTLY how you use gas, if I remember correctly.

The little red Caravan looks roomy inside, but a bit flimsy after my years of driving LSUVs. The back has a lot of room, in case I can scrape up money to buy anybody a big Christmas gift. Oh, and the lights on the dash do not work, so you don't know how fast you are going, or how much gas you have left. That's a match made in heaven for HH, all right.

The Hillbilly family auto stable now consist of 6 cars. And they all run, too. It would have been 7, but HH gave the #1 son's first car to HIS Number One Son.

HH needs an intervention.