Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Boogie Man

Several days ago, I promised you the story of the Boogie Man. Be careful what promises you hold Mrs. Hillbilly Mom accountable for. And be very afraid of the Boogie Man. I hope you don't have a nightmare after reading...

It was late in the day. I rearranged my desks and whipped up a new seating chart. I have to fit 26 chairs in there, so some are put together, like Banana Twins, the Little Debbie snack cakes. Since this class only has 22 kids, some got to sit single in a double chair. One such single young lady asked to go to the bathroom. That's fine with me, as long as they leave their cell phones on my desk. No clandestine texting on my watch.

When she returned, she sat down, looked at the empty chair beside her, and said, "I'm going to vomit." That kind of got my attention. I asked what was the problem. "There's a giant booger on that chair, and it wasn't there when I left."

I did not doubt her word, for once. This class is rife with nogoodniks. I immediately looked for the ones with the biggest smirks on their faces, and had my two suspects within two seconds. "Get a tissue and clean that up." The one with the biggest smirk said, "Why? I didn't do it!" So much for honor among nogoodniks, because the 2nd biggest smirk said, "But it's YOUR booger!"

OK. That was almost too much for me to digest. "Get it cleaned up. Now." The biggest smirk knew that I meant business. He set to work. After scooping it up, walking to the wastebasket holding it like a prize bass in a $10,000 tournament for all to admire, he threw it away. I must say, it was quite a specimen, all greeny-brown, textured, and about an inch long. Like a miniature piece of greeny-brown bacon.

I then made him get a paper towel and some Fantastick out of the cabinet, and decontaminate the chair. While this was going on, the second biggest smirk made some idle, unmemorable comment. I said, "If I was you, I wouldn't mention it again. It may have been HIS booger, but how did YOU put it on the chair? What did you do, pick his nose for him?" By the reddening of his cheeks, I knew I'd hit that nail on the head.

Kids can be so nasty.


Marshamarshamarsha said...

I almost puked. Kids are soooo gross. Really funny once I got past the mental picture. And all the college boys sitting in my room here who wanted to know what was so funny...their reactions were just icing on the cake.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Welcome to MY world! Oh, and on BObama's website, they used to carry on about how something was just 'icy on the cake'. I believe that it came from the newly-registered college boys and girls.

Marshamarshamarsha said...

I always get a good chuckle when I read stuff like that, especially from those who are supposedly so well-educated (those who act like Bobama). Yesterday, I was giggling over the comments on Dooce's blog. One said the political candidates wouldn't touch something (I think Roe v. Wade) with a ten foot poll or a barge poll, one of the two. Another said "Now days." I think that must make me an grammar elitist?

Hillbilly Mom said...

You know what I always say...grammar elitists can be so CRUEL!

OK, it's usually 'kids can be so cruel', but if the cruel crown fits, flaunt it. People need to read more 'now days' anyway. Then they would know how to spell and not use fragments and put sentences together and not use prepositions to end them with. By cracky!